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You and Your Eyes

It is not known, with certainty, who first said, "Your eyes are a window to the soul, but it is one of several powerful psychological tools to help establish your credibility. Your image of confidence is judged by others resting in your eye contact.

Arlin Cuncic provided us with some useful tips for making eye contact:

"Establish eye contact at the start. Make eye contact before you start talking to someone.

Use the 50/70 rule. Maintain eye contact 50% of the time when speaking and 70% when listening.

Look for 4–5 seconds. Hold eye contact for about four to five seconds at a time, or about as much time as it takes you to register the color of their eyes. When you break eye contact, glance to the side before resuming your gaze.

Look away slowly. When you look away, do it slowly. Looking away too quickly (darting your eyes) can make you appear nervous or shy.

Use the triangle technique. Rather than looking away or looking down (as this shows a lack of confidence), you can also look at another spot on their face. Imagine an inverted triangle connecting their eyes and mouth. Every five seconds, rotate which point of the triangle you are looking at.

Make a gesture. Break your gaze to make a gesture or to nod, as this appears more natural than looking away because you've grown uncomfortable with the amount of eye contact.

Look near the eyes. If looking someone directly in the eyes is too stressful, instead look at a spot on their nose, mouth, or chin.

When speaking to a group of people, instead of thinking of the group as a whole, imagine having individual conversations with one person in the group at a time.

"As you speak, choose one person in the group and pretend that you are talking just with that person. Look at that person as you finish your thought or sentence. As you begin a new sentence or idea, choose another person in the group and look them in the eye as you finish your thought. Make sure that you eventually include everyone in the group."

Try her suggestions and let me know what you think.

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